A father's pain
by charisma26
Summary: Leo can't let go of the pain of losing his son, the memories are still too fresh and the emotions inside are crushing him. Leo's take on losing Chris. Please R


Disclaimer: Charmed does not belong to me! Sad face! Ha!

Just a little idea that popped into my head! Please R and R! xx

Leo felt absolutely broken inside. He couldn't explain it any other way. The son he had grown to care for more than himself over the last few months was torn away from him in the worst possible way – murdered by those that were supposed to protect him.

He knew Chris would have to leave – he had to return to his own time, his own future and Leo had accepted that. He had accepted the fact he would have to say goodbye to his son and make sure that, in this time, he raised him properly. But he didn't accept the fact that he would have to watch his son die, slowly and painfully, watch as he faded away, leaving no trace that he was even there in the first place.

But when he held his newborn son in his arms all he saw was past Chris's tormented green eyes, so much like his own, eyes that had seen too much, eyes that had eventually slipped shut because his body couldn't hold out any longer. That was all Leo saw and he couldn't handle it.

Piper tried to coax him into looking after his boys – it didn't work. Leo hadn't felt like this, not ever. Not even when he was at war, not when Prue died, not when Piper had. It made his heart ache and for his stomach to churn uncomfortably. Chris was his son, his own flesh and blood, he reminded Leo so much of Piper and himself he was surprised he hadn't figured the truth out sooner.

Leo orbed up to the top of the golden gate bridge, the only place that deemed appropriate for a quiet thinking place. He breathed in the fresh air, hoping to clear his mind of all the troubles that were weighing him down. It didn't work. It didn't work because all he could think of was Chris. The time they spent on the bridge – Leo teaching him why, up here, it was the best place to commune. All the memories ran through Leo's head and he almost collapsed.

When he looked sideways he saw the part of the bridge where Chris sat as he told him, tears glistening in his bottle green eyes, why he hated him and every word was like a sword in Leo's heart.

"You were never there for me. You were there for everyone else, Mom, Wyatt, half the world... but you were never there for me" Leo recalled every word, blinking back the tears. He had failed his son, in both times. He wasn't a father in that time and he certainly didn't feel like one in this time because, despite what everyone else said, he felt like he had let Chris down so much it ended in his death, and that guilt could never go away.

When Chris first called him 'Dad' in that prison cell, Leo couldn't describe how ecstatic he felt. He knew, at that moment, Chris had forgiven him and was willing to make amends. Leo smiled against the tears though that was soon washed away when he remembered painfully the last time he ever called him dad.

"You don't have to dad" he had murmured, pain evident in his voice, telling him he didn't have to choose between both sons. But Leo did, or at least... he felt like he did because Wyatt was good, safe and happy and Chris was cold, in pain and dying.

With a tired sigh Leo let his legs collapse as he fell to his knees, wanting to claw out his very heart because this pain, this ache that wouldn't go away was unbearable. Every waking moment he relived his son's death again and again, or all those times he treated him unfairly but Chris, good Chris, still had it in his heart to forgive him.

Leo didn't bother wiping away the tears; he just let them fall because he didn't have the energy. The emotional pain of holding his son as he died was still too fresh and still too draining.

"You're not family" Leo remembered saying spitefully and remembered the pain that flashed in those perfect green eyes. He knew Chris was hurt by that, even if he didn't admit it. Leo sucked in a deep breath, willing the pain to go away. It didn't. It remained, even sharper than before.

"Chris I'm sorry" Leo gasped into the open air, his own voice cracking. He needed to tell Chris how sorry he was, tell him how much he loved him as a son, all those unsaid things that weighed on his heart. "Please Chris... come back, please" Leo cried, a fresh torrent of saltwater running down his cheeks, "Son I need you...I need you to know how much you meant to us" He sobbed, grabbing his head in desperation. "Chris please, you can't be dead, you can't" He screamed painfully before breaking down in tears, his whole body quaking with sobs.

"Till I find out what's going on I'm not gonna let you out of my sight"

"Uhhhhh, Chris is your son"

""The evil from the future I came back to stop isn't a demon – it's Wyatt"

"You don't know me; you don't know me, YOU DON'T KNOW ME"

"In trying to save one son you've lost both sons"

"Are you trying to kill us? This isn't going to bring him back"

"I promised I'd get him home safely"

Leo couldn't breathe. The painful and happy memories running through his head on repeat. He had promised Chris he would get him home, he had promised him wholeheartedly – his first act as a proper father – and he had failed. He had failed his son.

Chris died on a broken promise, lying on his mother's bed as his father held him, trying to soothe him as he disappeared. Leo could still feel Chris in his arms, could feel the cold shivers running through his body and felt his life draining away before his very eyes. And he could feel Chris fading away.

Leo put his head in his hands and wept into the night because his son, the son that risked everything to save his family, had died. Murdered by Leo's friend. He had died on the day that he was brought into this world and that made Leo want to die inside. He had lost Chris and Leo feared that, deep inside, the newborn son could never fill the aching hole inside his heart, he was afraid that maybe Chris' future would be the same as before – with an absentee father that let him down.

Leo took his head out of his hands with a plan, a purpose, a proposition that he would follow through to avenge the son he had lost even if it cost him everything. He would find Barbus... and he would kill him. He would try and save Chris... even if it was already too late.

So... yeah, i was sad writing this. Ha! Anyway, your thoughts and comments are very greatly appreciated so please please please review! *hands out virtual cookies?* haha! Xx


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